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!EY 6 COMIC 
DRAMA 



Jack Sheppard and 
Joe Blueskin 




1 



6Ki<s e^o- 
THE DRAMATIC PUBLISHING COMPANY 



JACK SHEPPARD AND 

JOE BLUESKIN 

OR 

AMATEUR ROAD AGENTS 
fH>eIo2>ramatic Burlesque iu @ne Hct 



FRANK' DUMONT 

AUTHOR OF " THE CAKE WALK," " FALSE COLORS," ETC. 






OCT 31 1897 
ru/ft TOPltWSEIVED 



CHICAGO 
THE DRAMATIC PUBLISHING COMPANY 



CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

Jack Sheppard Hughey Dougherty. 
oe Blueskin Matt Wheeler. 
onathan Wild Frank Dumont. 

Owen Wood. 
Mrs. Susan Wood. 
Robert Cash. 

Police, Neighbors, etc. 
Plays twenty minutes 



Copyright, 1897, by the Dramatic Publishing Company, Chicago. 

Notice. — The professional acting rights of this play are reserved by 
the publishers, from whom written permission must be obtained before 
production. All persons giving unauthorized performances will be 
prosecuted to the full extent of the law. This notice does not apply to 
amateurs, who may perform the play without permission. 

PROPERTIES. 

Old carpet bag. Baby. Large dummy dog. Tin dish of food. 
Slices of bread. Tray. Pistol for Wild. Cane for Tack. Tomato can 
and ragged handkerchief for Cash. Document for Wild. Large cigar 
for Joe. 



fMP96-007224 



,'ACK SHEPPARD AND JOE BLUESKIN. 



[Scene. — Landscape at back, 3 E. Cottage L. 2 e. Table 
and chairs c. Susan discovered with crying baby.~\ 

Susan. I can't keep this young one quiet. I've sung myself 
hoarse. Given it paregoric and pap ; but it's no use — it won't 
keep quiet. It annoys the entire neighborhood. I'll take it 
back in the kitchen and put it in the cupboard nnd shut the 
door — then it can scream or go to sleep if it wants to. [Baby 
squalls. Ex. into cottage. Enter Jack, followed by Joe 
R. 2 E.] 

Jack. Come along — you're the worst highwayman I ever 
saw. You're too skeered— why don't you brace up ? Steal 
something, kill somebody — have some style about you. Read 
dime novels and be a hero. 

Joe. \With carpet-bag.] I don't care about any style. 
You're always stealing something that ain't no use at all. Why 
don't you steal something to eat ? That's business. I can't live 
on old iron and spoons. I want food — that's what I live for ! 

Jack. All the time growling about something to eat. I 
never saw such a feller, you'd ruin anybody the way you eat. 
I can't find food for you all the time. Why don't you work or 
earn some grub ? You haven't stolen enough to keep you in 
pea-nuts. You're the worst robber I ever saw. 

Joe. Well, people lock up all de valuables so I can't find 
them. They hide bread and meat and all such things. I don't 
know where to look for them. I want to go home — I'm tired 
of being a road agent. 

Jack. You'll have Jonathan Wild after us the first thing you 
know. If he once puts his claws on you, off to jail you go. 

Joe. I wish I was in jail, I'd get something to eat. 

Jack. I'm not going to feed you any more until you do 
something. I've had to murder and rob everybody. You've 
got to find your own living after this. I'm tired of supporting 
you— do you hear ? 

5 



6 JACK SHEPPARD AND JOE BLUESKIN. 

Joe. Oh, I wish I had cheek — I know what I'd do. I'd run 
into a bake shop and steal a loaf of bread. Oh, wouldn't I eat 
it! 

Jack. [Goes to table. ,] Landlord! Landlord ! [Knocks 
with stick or dagger.] 

Joe. Landlord ! Landlord ! [Pounds with carpet-sack. 
Jack hits him over knuckles.] 

Jack. Shut up. You're making as much noise as if you 
were a first-class highwayman. 

Joe. [Rubbing knuckles.] I'm going to stop reading dime 
novels, and trying to be a highwayman — I'm going to be honest. 

Jack. Ha ! ha ! You're the sickest pal I ever saw. You're 
afraid of your own shadow. Why don't you read about the 
robbers and learn something? I thought you said. you was 
going to imitate Blueskin and help me "Jack Sheppard " ? 
Instead of that you're eating me out of everything I steal. I'll 
have to shake you. [Knocks.] Landlord ! Landlord ! [Bus.] 

Joe. [Both sit at table.] Landlord. Landlord. [Enter 
Owen Wood/nwz cottage.] 

Wood. Ah ! two travellers. I hope, gentlemen, you have not 
waited very long. I did not hear you at first. 

Joe. Is dinner ready ? 

Jack. [Hits table.] Silence, sir ! 

J6e. Ain't you going to let me speak to the man ? 

Jack. [To Wood.] You will please bring me some bread 
and some smear kase. 

Joe. And a little piece of cheese. 

Jack. [Hits table.] Cheese it — no, sir, you can't have any 
cheese. It's bad for your teeth. 

Wood. I'll bring you some bread and smear kase in a few 
moments. [Ex. into cottage.] 

Jack. Now, sir, I want you to keep quiet. I haven't got a 
cent, and if you go on talking about eating, the landlord will 
" smell a mice " and refuse to give us anything. [Enter "Wood, 
with plate of bread and tin dish of smear kase. He places it 
on table. Joe rubs his hands and i?i great glee prepares to 
eat.] 

Jack. I'll settle for this, sir, before leaving. 

Wood. Well, I don't know about this. 

Joe. Here's security. [Holds up bag.] 

Wood. Never mind. You, sir. [To Jack.] I know you 
look like an honest man. I wish I could say as much for your 
companion. [Ex. cottage.] 

Jack. See that, the landlord has dropped on you — he'd drive 



JACK SHEPPARD AND JOE BLUESKIN. 7 

you away if it wasn't for me. You're so frightened that every- 
body suspects you. Throw away that darned old carpet-bag. 

Joe. No, I won't. I found it this morning and I'm going to 
keep it. It belongs to me now. Let's tackle this food before it 
gets stale. [Gets ready to eat.] 

Jack, [Pulls dishes away.) No, sir, you don't get any of 
this. 

Joe. [Drawls astonished.] 'W-w-what ! What ! 

Jack. I say you don't get any of this ; if you want anything 
to eat go and earn it. Go and steal something. Only gentle- 
men eat bread and smear kase. 

Joe. Don't I get a whiff ? 

Jack. [Eats.] No, sir, not a smell. [Gives Joe a crumb.] 
There, that's enough for you. 

Joe. I'm going to do something. [Takes tin plates and 
spoons, puts them in carpet-bag.] Now I've stolen something, 

Wood. [Entering.] Gentlemen, have you finished your 
lunch ? 

Joe. He ate up his. I didn't care about any. I'll go in 
with you and eat something. 

Jack. Stop ! Don't mind that lunatic, sir — he's gone crazy 
on the subject of eating — he's a regular glutton. I have to 
watch him day and night and diet him, or he'd eat himself to 
death. 

Joe. [Bus. with clothes.] Does that look as if I was eating 
myself to death ? 

Wood. [To Jack.] Now, sir, I'll receive my pay for that 
lunch. 

Jack. Certainly. Certainly. 

Joe. Now he's stuck. He ain't got a cent. I'm glad I 
didn't eat. I'll slip in the house to see if I can't find some 
potato skins or something. [Ex. in house.] 

Jack. [Searching in pockets.] Really, I can't find any 
small change. I must see my friend. Where is he ? Ah ! 
gone to change a hundred dollar bill no doubt. He will return 
in a few moments. 

Wood. Where are the plates and spoons I left on the table ? 

Jack. Confound that fool ! Ah yes — the servant — I mean 
your wife — came out and took them in. 

Wood. I'm glad she did. I'd hate to lose them. [Enter 
Jonathan Wild l.] 

Wild. Ah ! landlord, a bottle of wine. Quick ! I have no 
time to lose. 

Wood. Yes, sir- — right away. [Exits.] 



8 JACK SHEPPARD AND JOE BLUESKIN. 

Wild. [Aside.] That looks like the very fellow I'm after. 
Yet my papers say there were two. Where is the other ? [Enter 
Wood with bottle and glass, which he sets on table.] 

Wood. There, sir, is your wine. 

Wild. [Fills glass and drinks .] That's good wine. [Enter 
Joe, smoking a cigar.] 

Jack. Where did you get that cigar ? Give it to me. 

Joe. Go and earn your cigars. Steal 'em, same as I do. 
Only "gentlemen " smoke dollar cigars. [Struts and smokes.] 

Jack. [6V<?j Wild.] Ah ! there's Jonathan Wild. If he recog- 
nizes us we are in the soup ; we'd better git out of this. [Joe 
struts up to the table and takes the bottle, pours out wine and 
drinks. Smacks his lips.] 

Joe. [To Jack.] I say — my — friend — Jack — have a glass 
of wine ? You won't ? Well, I won't urge you. Here's luck. 
[Drinks again. Jack trying to catch his eye to call him 
away.] 

Wild. Well, that's cool. 

Joe. It would be a little " cooler " if you'd put ice in it. 
[Struts over to L., smoking. Jack R-, trying to catch his eye.] 

Joe. He wants to beat me out of this cigar. [Smokes.] 

Wild. [Shows papers.] Landlord, I'm after two thieves. 
Two desperate highwaymen. If you see any parties prowling 
about here, you will notify the police at once. I believe their 
names are "Jack Sheppard " and "Joe Blueskin," and I'm after 
them. [Draws pistol.] 

Joe. [Drops cigar and trembles.] Oh! I'm a goner ! 

Jack. [Motioning.] Keep quiet — they'll suspect you. 

Wild. A reward of fifty dollars is offered for their capture — 
dead or alive. One of them has a carpet sack which he always 
carries about with him. 

Joe. Oh, Lord ! [Throws bag over to Jack.] 'Tain't mine. 
It don't belong to me. 

Jack. I don't want it. [Kicks it back.] 

Joe. It don't belong to me. [Kicks it.] 

Jack. [Kicks it.] Keep that bag over there. [Bus ad lib.] 

Wild. You will remember, sir, to keep on the lookout for 
these men ; arrest them and I'll give you half of the reward. 
[Looks at Jack and Joe. Joe points to Jack. Jack points to 
Joe. Wild exits R. after replacing pistol in belt.] 

Wood. Well, gentlemen, it is growing late and we must soon 
retire. 

Joe. Do you have supper before retiring ? 

Wood. No, sir, I've had supper. 



JACK SHEPPARD AND JOE BLUESKIN. 9 

Joe. Shook again. Oh, will I ever eat ? [Enter Robert 
Cash, L., with tin can j goes to Wood.] 

Cash. Mr. Wood ! Here is the rent of the house, that I 
owe you. I'm sorry I couldn't pay you before. 

Wood. Never mind — better late than never. [Takes can.] 
Is the money in this can ? 

Cash. Yes, sir. Five dollars in pennies. 

Jack and Joe. Five dollars in pennies! Oh ! 

Joe. Is there so much money in de world ? 

Wood. Much obliged, Mr. Cash — I'll put this in the safe ! 
[Turns,] 

Cash.. [Takes out handkerchief.] All right, sir. [Going:] 

Joe. Say, how late is it ? 

Cash. [Going,] I have no watch, sir, I don't know. [Joe 
goes behind him and steals the handkerchief as Cash replaces 
it in his coat-tail pocket. It is all ragged. Cash exits R.] 

Joe. [ Unfolds handkerchief.] He blows an awful bugle. 
[Hides handkerchief.] 

Wood. Well, gentlemen, I must retire. 

Jack. And so must I. Have you a room to spare ? 

Wood. No, sir — I have a cot that will hold one. 

Jack. I'll take it. 

Joe. Well, where do I repose ? 

Jack. You ? You sleep in the barn. That's good enough 
for you. 

Wood. Very well, sir, you will find your bed in the attic. 
Retire as soon as you can. Good-night. I must give this can 
to my wife. Good-night. [Exits house.] 

Jack. Good-night. Say, Joe, did you see that can full of 
money ? We must get that. 

Joe. Oh, I don't care about that — I know where there's a 
ham. A whole ham. I saw the old woman put it in the pantry 
while I was in the house. I'm agoing for that ham — you can 
get the money — I want to eat. 

Jack. Very well. Ah ! the lights go out ! They're going 
to bed. Now's our time. [Stage dark.] Be cautious and make 
no noise. [Bus. Gets Icmtem from wing. Music. Pizz.] 
Step light ! [Joe tumbles over chairs and tables — Jack very 
mad. They finally exit in cottage. Enter Jonathan Wild at 
\ back.] 

Wild. I knew they were the two fellows I was after. Now 
I've got them in a tight place. I'll get the big bloodhound and 
they will not escape me. Before morning I'll have them both in 
jail. Perhaps they are at their bloody work now. I'll keep my 



10 JACK SHEPPARD AND JOE BLUESKIN. 

eyes open. I'll have the police ready and get the dog so he can 
track them to their hiding place. {Exit L. Enter Joe from 
cottage with baby, groping in dark.] 

Joe. How dark it is — but I've got the ham. It was laying in 
the cupboard wrapt in cloth, but I found it. I've got it. 
{Trips over chair — drops baby. ~\ There goes my ham. {Baby 
wakes and commences to squall.] What the deuce is this ? 
This ain't a ham ! I've got a hold of something alive. Hush ! 
hush ! {Bus.] Shut your mouth. {Tries to quiet child j 
shoves it in carpet bag as Mrs. Wood with lighted candle 
enters in nightgown.] 

Mrs. Wood. Who is making all this noise ? 

Joe. Scat there ! Darn those cats ! [Sits on carpet-bag 
to hide it and keep baby quiet.] 

. Mrs. Wood. Don't make so much noise, go to sleep. {Turns 
to enter cottage. Joe comes behind and blows out candle, trips 
up Mrs. Wood and shoves her in cottage. She cries, " Help, 
murder, thieves" etc. Joe catches up carpet-bag to run off j 
baby squalling. Jack enters with tin can.] 

Jack. What the deuce are you doing, waking up the whole 
house ? Come, I've got the money. Let's skip out of this. 

Joe. No — I want to get that ham. 

Jack. Come on, I tell you. {Noise inside. Mr. and Mrs. Wood 
rim out. Joe throws carpet-bag afMxs. Wood and knocks her 
down. Jack stabs Wood. He falls. Loud barking of dogs 
heard. As Jack and Joe run to L. to escape, Jonathan Wild 
enters with levelled pistol.] 

Wild. Surrender, or I'll shoot you both. 

Jack. Never — I'll die game. [Wild f res, Jack falls — dies. 
Barking heard. Shouts, "This way" " Follow" etc. Music. 
Joe rushes to escape, L. and returns with big stuffed dog tied 
to coat tails or holding him by hind legs or neck. All charac- 
ters and police enter R. and L. All shout " Seek him, Tiger," 
" Shake him up," etc. Dog and 'Joe struggle. Burlesque death 

of Joe Blueskin.] 

CURTAIN. 



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